Divorce, Dating, Relationship Support

15 Things You Didn’t Know About Cheating

Reposted from: http://www.thetalko.com/15-things-you-didnt-know-about-cheating/?utm_source=TT-KWM-US&utm_medium=Content-Distribution&utm_campaign=TT-KWM&kwp_0=104368&kwp_4=503845&kwp_1=273898

Written by:   in Relationships

They say ‘once a cheater, always a cheater,’ but the truth is there are a lot of reasons people cheat on their significant other. Some people cheat once, and never do it again, while others are serial cheaters. One thing is for sure though– cheating damages relationships, a lot of the time beyond repair. So, why do people do it, even when they know the consequences? Some people have to learn the hard way.

Some argue that human beings aren’t built for monogamy, while others think that’s just an excuse to rationalize bad behavior. But unconventional arrangements like open relationships are on the rise, so maybe one day cheating won’t be the guaranteed relationship killer it has been in the past. For now, here are 15 things you might not have known about infidelity.

15. There are different kinds of love

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According to science, there are three different kinds of love. Sex drive refers to how often a person wants sex, romantic love is what makes us direct all our attention towards one person, and attachment is about the level of security we feels towards someone that motivates us to stay with them long term. That means it’s possible for someone to feel romantic love for one person and still be sexually attracted to someone else. Just because someone cheats on their long term partner doesn’t mean they don’t still love them. Which makes motivations for cheating and the consequences of an affair a lot more complicated than you think it is.

14. Rock n’ roll fans are most likely to cheat

Not to make generalizations, but researchers in the UK  found that 41% of people who have cheated list rock music as their favorite genre. Coming in next was pop music at 16%, country music at 11%, classical music at 7%, and hip hop at 2%. Of course, that’s only one tiny aspect of someone’s personality, and it should be taken with a grain of salt. Unless they are the groupie type, music preference probably isn’t a solid indication of a cheater.

13. When a woman cheats, it’s more likely to end the relationship

10 Signs You Have Perfect Sexual Chemistry

Reposted from: http://www.therichest.com/expensive-lifestyle/lifestyle/10-signs-you-have-perfect-sexual-chemistry/?view=all

Written by: Alex Keobke

10 Signs You Have Perfect Sexual Chemistry

It does not matter how amazing your mental connection may be with someone, your relationship may always feel incomplete if you are not sexually compatible. It is imperative that you know you have the ability to connect with your partner on every level that a healthy relationship requires, and that includes being able to grow sexually with them.

There is nothing wrong with having a high libido, low libido, being asexual or anything in between, but it can be unfair to your partner if your sexual preferences do not line up with their own. The more you connect with your long-term partner, the more you can hope that your sexual chemistry will grow over time. That being said, there still needs to be that physical attraction in your relationship or you’ll have fears that they are thinking the worst during moments of intimacy.

It is important to also know that it’s okay to not always know your preferences or what will make you sexually compatible with one person but not another. The best thing you can do is to be honest with yourself in what your desires are for a partner, and make sure that you do not spend time in an unhealthy relationship. If you are left in an unhealthy sexual dynamic for too long, you may start to feel like that is the expected pattern in a relationship and it can be damaging even after the relationship ends.

If the sexual chemistry with your current partner is strong, it may have been something that you picked up on within moments of your first date. It may have been made all the clearer by a passionate kiss that made you swoon. There may be many reasons as to why you think your partner is the bee’s knees in the bedroom, here are 10 of them.

10. You Can Laugh

I know it doesn’t look like it in the romance movies, but sexuality is not always going to be a smooth area of your life and can bring with it unexpected moments. As a result, one of the most important things to remember in regards to sexuality is that it is supposed to be something that is fun. You absolutely need to be safe, but you may find your perfect partner when you know you’re able to laugh at something ridiculous that may happen in the heat of the moment. Intimacy can sometimes lead to some involuntary noises, and knowing you can both relax goes a long way to ensuring excellent sexual chemistry.

9. You’re Physical Outside Of Bed

Sometimes the best foreplay takes place far away from the bed. A great sign of how compatible you are is how affectionate you can be in everyday life. Little gestures like hands on the small of your back, or cuddling close on the couch even if sex is not imminent can be a great way to make any physical actions a smoother transition, as well as make it a  comfortable extension of your relationship. Not to mention that if you are constantly physical, even in little ways, it will limit the chance that your relationship will feel more like roomates living together than a real relationship. Plus, if you feel awkward just touching your partner in everyday life, good luck once you get them naked!

How It Feels To Really Like Someone But Know He Isn’t ‘The One’

Reposted from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/like-someone-not-the-one/1205370/

Written by: Sheena Sharma

the one

Screech. Bang. I was in the kitchen, a place I rarely frequent. I was helping cook dinner with the guy I was dating.

He’d assigned me the task of peeling garlic (which, it turns out, is deceptively difficult). I’d obliged. He’d kissed me on the cheek and left the room for a brief moment.

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that I’d ended up in the kitchen. But then it hit me (probably at the same time the pan did). What in God’s name was I doing in the kitchen? I don’t usually step foot in there.

In fact, I’ve never gone out of my way to whip up anything special for myself. The fact that I’d made the conscious decision to help someone else make a meal could mean only one thing: I liked him.

Sh*t. There was just one tiny problem with liking this guy — I wasn’t allowed to.

See, there was something about his life that wasn’t quite compatible with mine, and it was a deal-breaker. A fatal flaw, if you will. From the moment I got to know him, I knew he wouldn’t be my “forever”; he would just be my “for now.”

At that point, my apprehension was only a feeling — a sense that something wasn’t right. But I stayed even when I could have walked away. I didn’t have a reason to leave. The present was all that mattered; the future was hazy and distant.

One part in the game of love stings more than the rest. It stings more, even, than the breakup. It stings more than being single and crush-less.

Hell, it may even sting more than seeing an ex with a new girlfriend. It happens when you like someone a lot but know, deep down, that he isn’t The One.

It’s like having a diamond necklace taunt you through the glass of a store window. You’re so damn close to the real deal — that unexplainable, potentially mythical feeling you’ve been chasing your whole life. But you aren’t there yet.

It’s like a holiday romance: fun for the time being, but inherently not meant to last. Proceeding with caution, you calculate your every move until the end of the game, at which point someone will forfeit. And that person will be you.

After all, what kind of idea is “The One”? Is it even remotely credible? I thought I was just running around in the dark, hoping to find someone — anyone — who felt the same magnetic pull for me as I did for him.

And you have that with him, so you stay by his side. But it isn’t all that simple.

You find yourself justifying the romance.

Friends prod you incessantly about this. They wonder why you’re seeing him, what you’ve got to gain. And in a sense, they’re right.

But they also couldn’t be more wrong. All you’ve been thinking about is what you have to lose.

We’ve been taught that even the relationships that don’t work out are bound to teach us something. There’s always a lesson to be learned. Self-discovery doesn’t stop at the experiences that give us answers.

It appears even after we end the relationships that gave us more questions than answers.

I stayed in the romance, but I found myself unable to lose myself in the moment. This — losing myself — is something I hope to see in my “perfect” love story, which I have yet to find.


He becomes a list of tally marks.

You’re no longer dealing with a real person. He’s been reduced to a checklist of pros and cons, and a stalemate has been holding you hostage for a while.

There are as many right things about him as there are wrong ones. One side is never heavy enough to tip you into making an executive decision. Individually, his qualities can be redeeming. As a whole, he isn’t the perfect package.

You’ll tell your children about him one day, but he won’t be their father.


Time feels like it’s being wasted.

Guilty questions flood your mind. Am I wasting his time? What about my time? Or is this all just a learning experience, and it’s perfectly acceptable that it won’t turn into anything more? Must everything be a means to an end?

The question of whether you should invest your time elsewhere is relentless. Time has become the enemy; time drives you maniacal. You know your days with him are numbered.


When things eventually end, you’ll still be sad.

And you’ll surprise yourself with just how sad you’ll be. You slapped an expiration date onto him from the beginning because you knew it couldn’t be any other way.

The upper hand was yours, and when it’s over, you haven’t only lost him; you’ve lost your power. You had grown comfortably into a model that was designed with strict limitations of comfort.

It’s a loss worth mourning. Only after stepping outside of it are you able to realize that you were able to be your truest self with him. No expectations meant no pressure, and you miss that.


You ask yourself what you’re even looking for.

One day, you wake up and realize something: You got in too deep with him. And though you got yourself out, you can’t help but think you wrongfully pushed him away.

Because if he wasn’t The One, then who is? Am I kidding myself for thinking there’s someone out there who was tailored just for me?

It’s Not Just Sex That He’s Longing For. It’s This.

Reposted from: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/hlg-its-not-sex-that-hes-longing-for-its-this/

Written by Steve Horsmon

tenderness

Do you know why romance and sensuality novels for women are so popular?

Short answer: The authors know exactly how to give women that feeling.

That feeling has many facets and she loves them all. She tingles with the flirtatiousness of the conversation. She blushes at the boldness and sensual innuendo. She craves the unapologetic desire. She wants to be “taken” by her man. The sexual polarity and tension has her on pins and needles of anticipation. She is aching for the climactic release from this torture.

And her husband doesn’t quite get it. He can read the same passage and have a lukewarm response.

Sure, it’s a little titillating. But it’s not the kind of romance language he has told me he is longing for.

♦◊♦

He is a long-time, married man who is just dying to star in a different scene.

Just as he struggles to understand her emotional reaction to those scenes written for her, she can also be clueless about his deepest desires. And it’s not a sex scene.

To him, it seems she just doesn’t understand (or doesn’t care?) why reading this scene will almost always bring a tear to his eye and a lump in his throat.

More than anything, he wants that feeling, and only she has the power to supply that.

The Romance Story That Can Make Men Cry

They were finally alone. He had been looking forward to doing this for months and she finally agreed to a getaway for just the two of them. The kids were with grandma and they will finally have a chance to reconnect as a man and woman—not as dad and mom.

Their truck was cruising west on the hot desert highway into a beautiful sunset as one of their favorite songs from high school came on the radio. They both started humming the song and broke into the chorus at the exact same time. They both laughed and smiled without talking as the song ended. After another few miles, she gently reached across the top of the bench seat and her hand her found the back of his head. Her fingers rolled and massaged through his hair as she delivered the most loving half-scratch, half-massage treatment he hadn’t felt in a long time.

He caught her looking at him out of the side of his eye and said, ‘What’s that look for?

She kept eye contact and grinned as she said, ‘This was such a good plan. I’m so happy you’re my man. Thank you for making me go on this trip. We both need this, don’t we?’

As they pulled into town that night, he realized he had not even noticed the last 100 miles. While his truck found its own way, he had been traveling on Cloud Nine.

♦◊♦

Many women reading this will think I’m full of crap. The men know I’m not.

The leading man in this story is a familiar one.  He has been married for 14 years, has three kids aged 13, 11 and nine, and he lives in a rat race of work, relatives, friends, home maintenance, and weekend soccer tournaments.

Sure, his sex life could be better. He wishes it was better. He might even sneak a peek at porn sites every now and then.  But that’s not what he longs for in his heart.

It isn’t the loss of sexual intimacy that causes his quiet tears. It’s the loss of his emotional and sensual connection with his only romantic partner in life. He craves her presence, respect and trust. She is the only woman who has the power to lift him up and make him want to conquer the world for her.

Yet he feels that she no longer wants to be that woman for him. She is disconnected. She gives herself and her energy to just about anyone but him. And it makes him sad. It makes him fearful of his future. The sadness and fear show up in his life as anger which can lead to occasional abusive behavior.

♦◊♦

The Truth Behind His Anger

Anger of this type is a secondary emotion. It is a reaction to the thoughts of what he believes he has lost and of the fear of where he thinks he will wind up.

His confidence wanes and he yields to his worst fears – that maybe he really is an inadequate and insignificant man.

The dream of “happily ever after” for most men includes the idea of a long-term, committed, romantic and sexual relationship with a woman who shares his values and desire to maintain a healthy, trusting, respectful, and intimate relationship. The dream is full of good feelings, happy times, supportive words and loving actions.

For many men, it feels like this dream is dying right in front of them and there is no way to stop it.  Everything he does to address it seems to blow up in his face.

Can he be more understanding? Can he be more caring and sensitive? Can he take more responsibility for helping her feel safer and supportive? Yep.

He’s been working hard at being a better man and husband for the last year.  He’s not perfect, but he’s trying so hard.  His wife has noticed, but she still doesn’t trust him.

He wants to be a man who he can be proud of. He also wants a woman who is proud of him and appreciates him.  All he needs to keep going most days is a good head scratch and a loving vote of confidence.

– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/hlg-its-not-sex-that-hes-longing-for-its-this/#sthash.f8t3TROb.dpuf

Science Explains Why Breakups Hurt Men Differently

Reposted from: http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/science-explains-breakups-hurt-men-differently/

There’s hardly a stereotype more common than the rough and tough macho man. But if you’re under the assumption that men are better at controlling their emotions, you may want to reconsider your beliefs. A majority of the male population may be good at suppressing their feelings, but control? Pure myth. In fact, according to new research, breakups actually affect men more than women. Not convinced? Keep reading and allow science to fill you in on the mushy details.

Is it really over?

1.

Researchers at Binghamton University and University College London have split men and women down in the middle in terms of how they react to breakups.
2.

A breakups hurt. The pain will come. But for men, it’s more like a slow, intensifying burn. It won’t hit right away, but when it does… everyone stand back!
3.

Women typically take the shorter path in a breakup, emotionally-speaking. The hurt may be more substantial, but it’ll pass much more quickly than it does for men.
4.

A researcher at Binghamton, Craig Morris, said, “Woman are evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man.”
5.

When a guy has a breakdown after a breakup, he’s not being over-emotional. Despite what years of stereotyping has told us, he’s just being a man.
6.

For men, the breakup signifies a genuine loss, one that sinks in the more time passes. The idea settles and the male brain just absorbs it at a slower pace.