Reposted from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/getting-back-out-there/201506/when-the-person-you-love-doesnt-love-you
Written by: Susan J Elliott JD, M.Ed.
It’s hard but it happens.
And it hurts.
You love someone who may have loved you once upon a time.
You love someone who acted like there was a possibility of love in return, but now there’s not.
You love someone who simply doesn’t feel the same way and isn’t going to feel the same way.
You loved someone deeply who loved you deeply and then this person just switched off and hurt you in ways that were unimaginable at the height of your mutual love.
This person loved you and you loved them and then someone new came along and they left. Friends tell you that you are better than this new person in every way. But your ex is still with Mr. or Ms. New Thing.
Whatever the situation, you’re left with excruciating pain.
As you walk through life, zombie-like, all you can do is review the exchanges over and over in your mind. Where did it go wrong or fail to go right? What should you have done that you didn’t? What did you do that you shouldn’t have? The perseveration drives you crazy. You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping. You’re a weepy mess. You feel rejected and less than. You feel as if there is something really wrong with you. You wonder what you could do to MAKE this person want you.
If your love is with a new person who doesn’t come close to being what you are, you cannot understand it. You can see this new person clearly and your ex is blind to the flaws and foibles of the new love. In fact, your ex is completely enthralled by someone whom you can see is clearly not a good match. Whenever you think about them together, your mind shuts off or you crumble completely.
When there is nothing or no one else, it is even harder to fathom. Your mate just fell out of love one day or failed to fall in love on the day you did. They have stumbled and stuttered through explanations but nothing is going to make you feel better except for, “I love you and want to come back.”
Even more baffling is possibility that the person just wants to be left alone. There isn’t someone else; there’s no real reason. Your lover simply said, “I just want out.” Your mind reels with astonishment, “Wait. You’re choosing NOTHING over me? What?”