BREAKING-UP

You are going through a breakup, what do you do now?

• Don’t panic!  Part of dating is finding out who you are compatible with and who shares your core value system.  Not everybody will make the lifelong cut.

• If you or your family is in immediate danger—LEAVE!  Find a safe place to stay until you can get legal protection.  You may need to get a restraining order or have a judge appoint an emergency “protective order.”  Contact the police, a battered women’s shelter or a church in your area.

• Get ready! This “process” is one of the most difficult and life changing events that will ever happen to you.  You will never be the same: emotionally, spiritually, physically, or personally.

• Seek to understand. If your ex partner will talk, find out where things really went wrong so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes again.  Sometimes, nothing “really” went wrong.  You may just not be a match, either chemically, compatibly or both.  It does not make either of you a bad person; it just makes you not right for each other.  It may be hard if you are truly in love, and he is NOT.  Just remember, you deserve someone who will love you the way you love them.  So please don’t settle.

• #4 is the hardest advice to take.  We are all creatures of habit and would rather stay in an “ok” relationship then risk taking the leap of having to be single for a while to find the right one.  The more times you go back and forth, the more you will realize that you are selling yourself short.

• Time is ticking!!! Go out there a find who YOU really ARE!  You will never know until you go it alone!  That quiet time at the house doing laundry may seem lonely and empty.  Time is the biggest gift that you have right now.  You can self reflect, make an improvement plan for yourself, not shave your legs for days, ECT…it’s very empowering! You learn to be you again!

• Start LIVING! Confidence is built by learning what you like, don’t like, travel, friends, new experiences, makeovers, wine nights with the girls and so on.  The more confident you become in yourself, the more attractive you are to a potential mate.  Men like true confidence when a woman is happy with whom she is. It’s something that you just can’t fake.   If a woman can take care of herself, a man can be there as her partner and as her compliment.

• Work on your image.  Sometimes the best revenge for a broken heart is to pop out on the town two months later as a new, refreshed YOU! Go to the gym—working out creates endorphins, endorphins make you HAPPY!  And, who does not want to look amazing in a pair of skinny jeans and show your ex what he is missing out on.  The stares you gain from admiring strangers, may give you that last little push to get “over it!”

• Reach out to all of your best girlfriends and family.  Make yourself available when they ask you to go places, even if you don’t feel like going.  Often a pint of Blue Bell ice cream, a bottle of wine, and reruns of the Young and Restless in your jammies is all that you want to do.  But, please take every opportunity to meet new people and start living your life again.

• There are resources on this site to help you through with things like faith based guidance, counseling and career advice.  Please look through where you can find help.